Love Hate State of Mind




As we approach Christmas, people think of their families. I don’t really know what family is. Maybe that is why I have a hard time comsidering my inlaws family.

Growing mostly around just my mom and brother, I never had the experience of hanging out with cousins or anything like that. Now that I am an adult, I don’t really want anthing to do with my relatives. Not that they are bad people. Its just why bother? Maybe to make some sort of connection. My mom wanted me to call some relatives to see how they were doing. Why when they are 20 years older than me and never once have I gotten a call from them.

Inlaws are something new for me. Its hard to see them as family eventhough my husband insists that I do. But its hard. If something were to happen between my husband and I where things went really bad, I would become the enemy in their eyes and they would become my enemy because they will side with my husband. I don’t mind. Its what I expect. I try to keep my distance and only speaking when needed.

Maybe I have a cynical look on the world. I don’t want anyone only thinking of me one time of the year. I was alive the other days of the year. Maybe its hard for me to think of the term family when people are out stealing, raping, and murdering their family.

I have my kids. I love them. I try to be the best mother, but its really hard. My husband says I should do and buy things for me. Since my daugher was born, I dont know what I want for me.

I hope everyone has a happy holiday. Love your family if you have one

Cranberry handbag that is made to order available at

3 notes | Reblog | 2 years ago

My First Thanksgiving!

Its not my first Thanksgiving, but its the first time I will be doing the cooking. Nothing major. It is my daughter’s first Thanksgiving. Too bad she can’t eat what we are having, but I did get turkey, rice, and vegetables baby food for her pudding baby food for dessert. 

This year’s menu is :

Roasted whole chicken (I’m only cooking for me and my husband)

Shrimp scampi

Rice and gravy

Seasoned green beans

Mashed Potatoes

Dinner rolls

Cranberry sauce

Sparkling cider (we don’t drink, plus I’m pregnant)

Stuffing (or dressing)

A great meal for two people. Wish me luck. I hope it turns out well.

6 notes | Reblog | 2 years ago

Black Friday…

I was reading online about Black Friday. It really doesn’t mean much to me if Michael’s isn’t having a sale on yarn. They are, but not as great as the sale they just had last weekend that I went to. Anyway, I was reading about how Walmart may be opening at 10pm. I am not sure how truthful that is because I had read previous to that that Walmart will open at midnight.

Where were these so called great openings when people had money to spend? I would rather they not open at that time. As someone who worked in retail for 3 years, I know that all those workers would hardly have time to to relax after eating a huge meal. I get sluggish after big meals. It also takes away from family time. Holidays such as Thanksgiving are the only time of year that most people think about seeing their family at once. I am not too big on family, but that could be because I don’t come from a big family. I think that if people are shopping at midnight to get the best “deals”, then they can just as easily do so between 4am-6am like everyone else.

I don’t plan on doing any shopping except to buy one skein of yarn because they didn’t have enough of the one color I wanted. Stores are taking it too far. Taking away people’s family time so they can make a profit (or attempt to) is cruel. I would never want to work for a company like that, but I actually do. I can’t blog about where I work yet because people tend to get fired over what they say on their personal blogs. With a 9 month old and being almost 3 months pregnant, I’d rather not risk it just yet.

Who is shopping at midnight? Who is this new customer base they are trying to attract? Well, it someone who has money to spend. I think Black Friday is a waste of time. If anyone paid attention, they would see they have sales and deals all Christmas season long. Personally I think that the day after Christmas sale is the best sale. The real deals come when the Christmas rush is over.

Good luck to you if you are shopping on Black Friday at the stores or Cyber Monday online.


Today is my 23rd birthday. I went to work and it rained. Still a great day because I am blessed and alive.

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